I want something permanent. I want something so permanent it’s simple. What can I do though?

Silly, sillly, silly.

I need to know what I want before I can get it. Sometimes that’s not quite enough though.

Promises aren’t good enough anymore. Not good enough. I need something tangible.

303 days.

I keep dreaming about animals, but I can’t remember what the dream is. I just know that there are animals.

I’m quite glad that tomorrow is the last day of summer strings. It’s been enjoyable, but it is very nearly painful for me to have a sleeping pattern that is remotely normal during the summer. I am so tired.

Let’s transform. Let’s change into something else. I want a difference. One that I can measure. Yes. Yes I think so.

What could have been? What would have happened? Is there any point in a person’s life where… the possibilities simply are not considered anymore? Do they stop being considered.. but continue being wondered about? Or are humans always subject to the same temptation, no matter the situation?

I am logged in….. strange.. silly.

And they’re all related. Really? Do I think so? Of course they are. They always are, despite outward appearance.

It bothers me when a word doesn’t look like a word.

I keep saying, “Ten more minutes.” It’s always ten more minutes though.

No, it’s never for me. Don’t be ridiculous. I shouldn’t be disappointed. Why am I expecting anything?

Does knowing that make it less painful? Of course not.

Am I really interested, or do I ask only out of reaction? I wonder that a lot. Do I want to hear the answer, rather than know it? Do I just want someone to remain there?

This is hard to believe for me. It’s so impossible. It’s so curious. So queer. So odd. So strange. I like the word strange. It describes so well what everything is…. just strange. I look at my hands and I think, “How strange.” When I’m outside in the morning I think, “How strange!” When I drink a glass of water I hold it in my mouth for longer than necessary and just think, “How very, very strange this is.” It’s all so strange, isn’t it?

It’s like something is missing every time I look there. It’s so.. empty. Bare. I try to replace what should be there, but I’m not sure what it should be. It’s always wrong.

Am I jealous? I don’t often feel truly jealous. Am I right now? Or am I just resentful? Spiteful? Why should I be though? You always get what you put in… always. Why should I be any different? I shouldn’t be. It would be nice though… I only want it to have it though. I don’t really want it. So silly.

I feel like I am ill. I mean… I don’t feel ill, but I feel like I am acting ill. I never do anything.

Why can’t I control my feelings?